No Rotten Food please

Cross posted at TBN.com and LJ

I want to start this by quoting the wonderful CJ Cregg "Don't be fooled. They love us in Orange County. They're crazy-go-nuts for the President. They're really the Democratic party in general. I think they really like it when we come to town. When we were there last month, we we're working the crowd, and some boys, worried possibly that I couldn't afford fruits and vegetables on a government salary,tossed me some of their own. "

Sits back and waits for the veggies and fruit to come flying...

My roommate has been telling me for years that I like to go contrary public opinion. If the world likes a movie, I will hate it. If the world hates a television program, it will quickly become my favorite. I don’t agree with her over all analysis, I mean I love Harry Potter, The Office, and many other popular things. Of course I also thought that The Da Vinci Code wasn’t as good of a book as everyone else thought it was and I am still not sure if Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip should have gone off the air, even if I was about its only viewer. So maybe my roommate was right. Maybe I am prejudice against what most people like. The problem is when I picked up Twlight by Stephenie Meyers I wanted to like it. I had been hearing about it for years, my sister is constantly reading it and I am fielding complaint letters at work that we carry it (usually that is a good sign that the book is good, no really it is) so though I had resisted the popular nature of the book I was secretly pleased when my book club decided to read it.

Guess what, I hated the book. No really hated it. So Elisha, remember back when we did our Harry Potter review you wondered what would happen if I read and reviewed a book I didn’t like? Well you get to find out now.

For those of you who have missed the Twilight mania currently sweeping the nation (my sister boasts she was one of the first Twilighters) it is the story of Bella, a 17 year old girl who relocates to Forks, Washington after her mother remarries. She is miserable there and longs for the sun and warmth of Phoenix. But then she meets fellow 17 year old Edward Cullen. She is drawn to Edward for some reason, though he seems to absolutely despise her. As the weeks go by she gains new friends and settles into a routine in her new town, which includes wondering why Edward hates her so much. Of course he finally begins talking to her, and we find out he is love in with her. There are several events that lead up to the big reveal, but the reader isn’t surprised by this Lizzy/Darcy relationship. Of course there are mysteries surrounding Edward, mysteries that Bella is determined to solve. And guess what she finds out he is a vampire!!!!

Okay, so yeah, that is the story in less than 144 words. Of course there are trials and tribulations that Bella and Edward face after this big revelation. Bella compares them to a modern day ‘Romeo and Juliet’ something that made me gag every time it was alluded too. I must say Meyers got the one dimensional love sick teenager down to a tee. Then there is the brooding, Heathcliff type, Edward. Good looking, dangerous, dark, mysterious, I am not quite sure what he sees in immature Bella, maybe we will find out in the next book. He is one of the few well rounded characters in the book. Though his struggle and flip flopping gets old after 200 pages (the book is 500).

The story is trite. In fact, nothing happens until page 378 and then you get about 50-55 pages of great story, interesting, fast past, oh my gosh I can’t stop reading and then it is over and you are back to the boring and the mundane. For the last 60 or so pages. Where there is more of the hemming and hawing you had to endure for the first 377 pages.

I knew I should have given up when it took me three days to get through the first chapter. When I was a week into reading and hadn’t even made it half way through. When I picked up an old text book and started reading it.

Now I didn’t expect this to be Faulkner, or Austen, or Fitzgerald. I didn’t even expect this to be Rowling, I expected your average book that would be a quick and fun read. I read those all the time. I read any trade mystery I can get my hands on and love it even more if there is a splash of romance, but this makes me shiver. The writing is juvenile, I have read online fanfic writers who are better wordsmith’s than Ms. Meyers. The story non existent, and there are no redeeming qualities in the main character.

The one thing that saves this book (besides the 55 pages of actual story and decent writing) is the supporting cast. I really liked Edward’s mom and sister. I wanted to see more of them, learn more about them. But of course they were simple bystanders that I had to wonder about. There were things that were never explained (maybe they are in the sequels, but I don’t think I will ever find out) and so many plot holes I was ready to tear my hair out.

So maybe my roommate is right. Maybe I am destined to never like anything that is pop culture. I mean who am I to argue with The New York Times, Scholastic Book Review, and my little sister- oh yeah, usually the first in line.

1 ½ stars- because those 55 pages were actually good and at least it is getting students to read. That is better than nothing.